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Wednesday Night Humour
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Jack was about to marry Jill and his father took him to one side “When I
married your mother, the first thing I did when we got home was take off my
trousers,” he said. “I gave them to your mother and told her to put them on.
When she did, they were enormous on her and she said to me that she couldn’t
possibly wear them, as they were too large.I told her, “Of course they’re too big. I wear the trousers in this family
and I always will. Ever since that day, we have never had a single problem.”Jack took his father’s advice and as soon as he got Jill alone after the
wedding, he did the same thing; took off his trousers, gave them to Jill and
told her to put them on.Jill said that the trousers were too big and she couldn’t possibly wear
them.
“Exactly,” replied Jack. “I wear the trousers in this relationship and I
always will. I don’t want you to forget that.”Jill removed her knickers and gave them to Jack. “Try these on,” she said,
so he tried them on but they were too small.“I can’t possibly get into your knickers,” said Jack. “Exactly,” replied
Jill. “And if you don’t change your fucking attitude, you never will.”A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed.
They couldn’t do it while he waited, so he said he didn’t live far and would
just walk home.
On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and
a gallon of paint.
He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and
a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem – how
to carry his entire purchases home. While he was scratching his head he was
approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked,
“Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mocking bird Lane?” The farmer said,
“Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk
you there but I can’t carry this lot. “The old lady suggested, “Why don’t
you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a
chicken under each Arm and carry the goose in your other hand?”
“Why thank you very much,” he said and proceeded to walk the old girl
home.
On the way he says “Let’s take my short cut and go down this alley.
We’ll be there in no time.” The little old lady looked him over cautiously then
said, “I am lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that
When we get in the alley you won’t hold me up against the wall, pull up
my skirt, and have your way with me?”
The farmer said, “Holy smokes lady! I’m carrying a bucket, a gallon of
paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold
you up against the wall and do that?”
The old lady replied, “Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket,
put the paint on top of the bucket, and I’ll hold the chickens.”jb7 wrote:
Dog limps into a bar,
barks-
“I’m lookin for the man who shot my paw”:lol: Brilliant.
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