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Because it’s Friday!
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The wrong approach
Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, “You know, I don’t know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we’ve been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!”
His buddy looks at him and says, “Well, you’re obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, slap her on the butt and say, ‘You as horny as I am?’ . . . and, she always acts like she’s sound asleep!”A man is walking down the street when he runs into his friend. But there’s something different about him: his friend has an orange for a head.
So the man asks his friend, “Hey man, why do you have an orange for a head?”
And his friend replies, “Well I was digging through the trash and I found a magic lamp. I rubbed it and a genie popped out and promised me three wishes.”
The man then says, “That’s cool, but why do you have an orange for a head?”
His friend replies, “Well for my first wish I asked to be the richest man in the world, and ‘poof!’ I had tons upon tons of gold bullion at my feet.”
The man shuffles and asks again, “Okay, but why do you have an orange for a head?”
His friend smiles and says, “Wait, wait. I’m getting there. For my second wish I wished for the most beautiful woman in the world to be my bride, and ‘poof!’ there she was, the very likeness of Helen of Troy.”
The man, dumbfounded and quite anxious asks once again, “Okay, but why do you have an orange for a head?!?”
To which his friend replies, “Well, for my third wish, I wished for an orange for a head.”
Ah Jody…!!!
In a similar vein:
A boy walks into a bakers looking for a loaf of bread.
The baker asks him if he wants a brown loaf or a white loaf.
“Ah, it doesn’t matter which” the boy says “I have my bike outside”Ah boys c’mon, mine wasn’t that good, but jeez ye’re really dragging it down!! :D :D :D
ok, now I think that there’s something that doesn’t work between me and Wonka’s jokes!
I got the Jody’s one (very funny indeed, I like surreal jokes) but,,, I miss the wonka’s one AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!
What’s wrong with me??????????A Nikon user walking along a beach finds a lamp and rubs it (well, you would, wouldn’t you?). A genie pops out and provides the standard line … genie of the lamp … many years … three wishes.
So, for his first wish, the Nikon user asks for a pint of Guinness that never empties. A pint glass appears, the man drinks it and straight away the glass is refilled.
“That’s great!” confirms the Nikon user.
“What would you like for your remaining 2 wishes?” asks the genie.
“I’ll have another 2 of these.”
you see????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’ve got this one as well!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A cowboy spends 3 days trekking through the wild west. He arrives in a town, hungry, thirsty and dawg-gone tired. So he stops outside the saloon, ties up his horse then goes around to the back of the horse and kisses its ass.
Two old-timers are across the road and see what he’s just done. “Hey cowboy, why’d you kiss yer hosses ass?”
“Well” says the cowboy “I’ve been in de desert for 3 days and my lips is kinda dry and crackin’ “
One of the old timers says “Is that some sort of cotton-pickin’ cure for cracked lips?”
“Nope, it just stops me lickin’ ’em”Alan
Alessia…yeah???
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Got it!
but now that it’s clear there’s no some evil spell between me and your jokes, can you explain me the first one??
After a British Airways flight reached its cruising altitude, the
Captain announced: “Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain.
Welcome to Flight 293, Non-stop from London Heathrow to Toronto.
The weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth,
uneventful flight. So sit back, relax and …HOLY CRAP !”
Silence followed.
Some moments later the captain came back on the intercom.
“Ladies and gentlemen, I’m sorry if I scared you.
While I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled a
cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!”One Irish passenger yelled, “For fook sake!, you should see the back of mine!”
Alessia wrote:
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Got it!
but now that it’s clear there’s no some evil spell between me and your jokes, can you explain me the first one??
Alessia, don’t ask Alan that or he’ll oblige – they say that if you have to ask, then it’s probably not worth hearing!! :D :D
but now that it’s clear there’s no some evil spell between me and your jokes, can you explain me the first one??
Well, no, not really. You see the funny thing is there is no punchline. It’s an anti-anti-joke, a double negative humour.
Clear now??
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