- This topic is empty.
Because I haven’t any pictures to post…
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Man goes to meet a miracle worker who has been healing people
all over the place. Miracle worker asks what he need help with.The man replies “my hearing”.
So he healer puts one hand in each ear, rubs around a bit, massages,
says a few prayers, and asks if it worked.Man replies, “Don’t know, the hearing’s not till next Wednesday”
Stevie Wonder was playing his first ever gig in Tokyo and the venue was
absolutely packed to the rafters. In a bid to break the ice with his new
audience he asked if anyone would like him to play a request.A little old Japanese man jumped out of his seat in the first row and
shouted at the top of his voice, “Play a jazz chord! Play a jazz
chord!”.Amazed that the little oriental man knew about the jazz influences in
Stevie’s varied career, the blind virtuoso went into a difficult jazz
melody for about 10 minutes.When he finished the whole place went wild – but the little old man
jumped up again and shouted “No, no, play a jazz chord, play a jazz
chord”.Slightly annoyed, Stevie, being the professional that he is, dived
straight into a jazz improvisation with his band and really tore the
place apart.The crowd went wild with this impromptu show of his technical
expertise. The little old man jumped up again. “No, no, NO. Play a Jazz
chord, a jazz chord!!”.Well and truly ****ed off that this little bloke didn’t seem to
appreciate his playing ability, Stevie said to him from the stage “OK
smart ass, you get up here and do it!”The little old Japanese man climbed nervously onto the stage, took
hold of the mike, faced the huge audience and started to sing….” A jazz chord to say a ruv yoo…”
> A number of Primary Schools were doing a project on “The Sea”.Kids
were
> asked to draw pictures, or write about their experiences.
> Teachers got together to compare the results, and put together some
of
> the comments that were funny, and some that were sad. Here are some
> of them. The kids were all aged between 5 and 8 years.
>
>
>
> Whales are animals, not fish. If they don’t get air they can drown,
like
> my brother did last summer. (David age 7)
>
> This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age6)
>
> Oysters balls are called pearls. (James age 6)
>
> I don’t like the sea. It makes me sick on the ferry. (Peter age 6)
>
> My goldfish died. Why? (Katie age 5)
>
> If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island. If you don’t have
sea
> all round you, you are in continent. (Wayne age 7)
>
> I think sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like
> Emily Richardson. She’s not my friend no more. (Kylie age 6)
>
> A dolphin breaths through an arsehole on the top of it’s head.(Billy
> age 8)
>
> My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes back with crabs.
> (Millie age 6)
>
> When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the
> ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn’t blow, the sailors would whistle
> to make the wind come. My brother said they would be better off
eating
> beans. (William age 7)
>
> I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny
tails.How
> do mermaids get pregnant? (Helen age 6)
>
> I’m not going to write about the sea. My baby brother is always
> screaming and being sick, my Dad keeps shouting at my Mum, and my big
> sister has just got pregnant, so I can’t think what to write. (Amyage
> 6)
>
> Some fish are dangerous. Jelly fish can sting. Electric eels can give
> you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think
> they have to plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher age 7)
>
> My mum has fish nets, but doesn’t catch any fish. (Laura age 5)
>
> When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my
> willy small. (Kevin age 6)
>
> When me and Sarah went to the sea side in the summer holidays, we
hid
> in the sand dunes and watched my big sister doing it with her boy
> friend. It was fun. (Lauren age 7)
>
> A submarine goes under the water like a fish, but it has lots of
> seamen inside. (Emma age 5)
>
> When I grow up, I want to be captain of a big ship, and have
lots
> of sailors (Valerie age 6)
>
> Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Two divers
can’t
> go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky age 8)
>
>
> On holiday my Mum went water skying. She fell off when she was going
> very fast. She says she won’t do it again because water shot up her
> fanny. (Julie age 7)
>
>
> My mum and dad went to the seaside with me and my brother, my dad got
> crabs, they shouted at each other on the way home and my dad said
> my mum smells of fish (Ben age 7)
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