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Cow-based Economics Lesson
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SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because the government wants you to work for an extra year to stop the country going bankrupt over pensions. You decide to have lunch.A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-design them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and market it worldwide.AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newspaperman who reported the real situation.AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the stuffing out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractiveroyal bank of scotland sounds good
but I think I’ll go to Australia and buy 2 cowsYou didnt mention the Irish Co-op!
You buy two cows from Paddy down the road, you pay cash for one and he gives
you an invoice for the second, charging vat at 23%, the Government then charge
you interest for not making your vat return on time, plus a levy for owning a cow
that is adding to the milk lake, if you manage to sell any milk you must charge
more vat on it, the government will charge you more interest on the interest that
they already charged you previously for late returns. You decide that it is not worth
the time and effort on owning any fec…g cows, so you slaughter only the government
will not let you eat them, because you didnt use a registered slaughter-house.Shall I go on? :)
Very good, I like “AN AMERICAN CORPORATION” the best, sounds like the IT industry in Ireland
shutterbug wrote:
You didnt mention the Irish Co-op!
You buy two cows from Paddy down the road, you pay cash for one and he gives
you an invoice for the second, charging vat at 23%, the Government then charge
you interest for not making your vat return on time, plus a levy for owning a cow
that is adding to the milk lake, if you manage to sell any milk you must charge
more vat on it, the government will charge you more interest on the interest that
they already charged you previously for late returns. You decide that it is not worth
the time and effort on owning any fec…g cows, so you slaughter only the government
will not let you eat them, because you didnt use a registered slaughter-house.Shall I go on? :)
sure, what’s wrong with that …?
The simplified economic model:
I have a cow
I bring some of the milk to the market – and exchange it for food
I exchange some at the pub for beer.I am happy
No banks are involved: value is retained in the economic system
Everybody else is happy
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