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Important questions …
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The following questions were set in last year’s GCSE examination in Swindon, Wiltshire (U.K.)
These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)
Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegarQ. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeistsQ. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspireQ. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fightQ. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowedQ. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an electionQ. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairsQ. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinentalQ. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adulteryQ Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature deathQ. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cowQ. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cowQ. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and UQ. What is the fibula?
A. A small lieQ. What does ‘varicose’ mean?
A. NearbyQ. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominiumQ. Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section’
A. The caesarean section is a district in RomeQ. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport.Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellasQ. Use the word ‘judicious’ in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.Q. What does the word ‘benign’ mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eightQ. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his headI like this one…
The following is an actual question given on University of Washington
chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so “profound” that the
professor shared it.Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic
(absorbs heat)?Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law,
(gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or
some variant.One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time.
So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving.I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave.
Therefore, no souls are leaving.As for how many souls are entering Hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today.
Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion,
we can project that all souls go to Hell.With birth and death rates as they are we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Teresa Banyan during my freshman year,
“…that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you.”
And take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her,
then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze.The student received the only “A”
I went to tech a few years back doing a engineering course
we had mock exams while getting ready for the finalsOne of the questions was to describe an electron
This guys answer was ”a small furry creature that can be found in the foothills of the atlas mountains”
Jeepers and to think they will rule the world some day……havent laughed so much
in ages :)Was teaching a pool lifeguard course in Limerick several years ago. One of the questions asked on the exam paper was to name the 5 regions of the spine. One guy wrote
Cervical, Thoracic, Lumbar, Coccyx and SCROTUM
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