- This topic is empty.
The 5 questions most feared by men are
-
5 Questions Men Hate
PG-Rated:
1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?
What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e., tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.Question # 1: What are you thinking about?
The proper answer to this, of course, is: “I’m sorry if I’ve been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you.”
This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:
a. Baseball.
b. Football.
c. How fat you are.
d. How much prettier she is than you.
e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, “If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!”
Question # 2: Do you love me?
The proper response is: “YES!” or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, “Yes, dear.” Inappropriate responses include:
a. Oh Yeah, sh*t-loads.
b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
c. That depends on what you mean by love.
d. Does it matter?
e. Who, me?Question # 3: Do I look fat?
The correct answer is an emphatic: “Of course not!” Among the incorrect answers are:
a. Compared to what?
b. I wouldn’t call you fat, but you’re not exactly thin.
c. A little extra weight looks good on you.
d. I’ve seen fatter.
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.Question # 4: Do you think she’s prettier than me?
Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: “Of course not!” Incorrect responses include:
a. Yes, but you have a better personality
b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner
c. Not as pretty as you when you were at her age
d. Define pretty
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.Question # 5: What would you do if I died?
A definite no-win question. (The real answer, of course, is “Buy a Corvette and a Boat”). No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along these lines:
WOMAN: Would you get married again?
MAN: Definitely not!
WOMAN: Why not, don’t you like being married?
MAN: Of course I do.
WOMAN: Then why wouldn’t you remarry?
MAN: Okay, I’d get married again.
WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)
MAN: ( makes audible groan )
WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
MAN: Where else would we sleep?
WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
MAN: She can’t use them, she’s left-handed.
WOMAN: – – – silence – – –
MAN: Sh*t.6. Do you fancy [name of her sister goes here]?
7. Do you fancy [name of her best friend goes here]?
8. Do you still fancy [name of your ex goes here]?
These are what my father called “on a hiding to nothing” questions.
You need Oscar-worthy acting skills to answer them. Anyone with a
daughter knows that women learn interrogative skills that men can
only dream of, before they’re 5. Reading tone, body language and
between the lines are second nature. I’ve watched women have long
conversations with each other only to discover later that I did not
understand one thing that was said, simply because I am not fluent
in sub-text. It gets dangerous when they misjudge men (who usually
just say what they mean) and assume that a simple sentence is loaded
with hidden meaning.PTB: so true. For blokes, once you eventually give in – realise that you are not equipped for the chess game that women are born to win – life gets simpler – almost as simple as we are, bit never totally.
I have a simpler view: men need to talk sh?te. Women who allow their men to do so away from home (football, golf, photography, motorbikes, etc.) live a happier life. Womnen who do not do so, force their men to talk sh?te at home. With that comes misery. So, women, allow your men their hobbies and look on the bright side: do you really want to hear all that sh?te?
(Apologies to NFL about the rude words – sometimes it’s necessary.)
You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
