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Thursday humour…
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An Irishman went for an interview with one of the major blue chip computer companies. When the interview was over the interviewer told him that all applicants had to complete a test. The interviewer took a piece of paper and drew six vertical lines in pairs of two on the paper and placed it in front of the Irishman.
“Could you please show me a clever way to make this into nine?”
After thinking for a while the Irishman took the pencil and drew a canopy of leaves on top of the three pairs of lines, and handed the paper back to the interviewer.
The interviewer looked at the drawings and said: “But that is not nine!”
“Oh yes it is”, said the Irishman with a broad Irish accent, “Tree + Tree + Tree make nine!”
The interviewer handed the paper back to the Irishman and asked him to make it 99.
After thinking for a longer while the Irishman scribbled up and down the trunks and handed the paper back to the interviewer.
The interviewer looked at the drawings and said: “But that is not ninety nine!” “Oh yes it is”, said the Irishman, “Dirty tree + dirty tree + dirty tree make ninety nine.”
The interviewer was now a bit cheesed off so he decided to do the Irishman once and for all, therefore, he handed the paper back to the Irishman and asked him to make it 100.
After thinking for a considerably longer time the Irishman suddenly grabbed the pencil and drew a little blop on the bottom right hand side of each three and handed the paper back to the interviewer.
The interviewer looked at the drawings and said: “But that is not 100!”
“Oh yes it most certainly is”, said the Irishman with a much broader Irish accent,
“Dirty tree and a turd + dirty tree and turd + dirty tree and a turd make 100!!!!!” :D
And just one more ( by the way these are not my jokes that i made up just in case i get kicked off the site or something)
Two old Irishmen were sitting at the local pub drinking a few beers.
So, Thomas O’Ryan said to Liam Halloren, “Liam, me buddy, me ol’ pal. When I die would you please pour a couple of beers o’er me grave?”
Liam said, “Why certainly, but could I pour it through me bladder first?”
:D :lol:
I was just listening to the news and Sinn Fein and the Greens are coming together to form a new party,
They are going to call it Guns ‘N’ Roses :lol:Taxi for one!!!
Irishman goes to a hotel for a job interview. Secretary says, “Before the interview we need you to fill in the questionnaire”. So he goes back downstairs and beats up the doorman.
A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beach in Montego Bay , Jamaica . Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. “What a peaceful & loving couple”.
The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.
“Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America , ” explained the man. “We visited the Grand Canyon in Arizona and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by horse. We hadn’t gone too far when my wife’s horse stumbled and she almost fell off. My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said, “That’s once.”
“We proceeded a little further and the horse stumbled again, this time causing her to drop her water. Once more my wife quietly said,”That’s twice.”
We hadn’t gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for a third time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.
I shouted at her, “What ‘s wrong with you, Woman! Why did you shoot the poor animal like that? Are you crazy??”
She looked at me, and quietly said, “That’s once.”
“And from that moment… we have lived happily ever after.”
These are for all the women who want a good put-down in response to some of the lame lines they’re likely to hear in a bar, at work, on the bus, or anywhere really:
? He – Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
She – Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.? He – How did you get to be so beautiful?
She – I must’ve been given your share.? He – Your face must turn a few heads.
She – And your face must turn a few stomachs.? He – Go on, don’t be shy. Ask me out.
She – Okay, get out.? He – What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
She – Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.? He – Can I have your name?
She – Why? Don’t you already have one?? He – Hey baby, what’s your sign?
She – Do not enter.? He – If I could see you naked, I’d die happy.
She – If I saw you naked, I’d probably die laughing.? He – Where have you been all my life?
She – Where I’ll be the rest of your life – in your wildest dreams.UNIVERSAL PUT DOWNS :
? And your cry-baby whiny-assed opinion would be…….?
? Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
? I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
? How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
? Two words – Cat Scan.AND ONE FOR THE FAT MEN – IF A WOMAN TELLS YOU YOU’RE FAT:
Honey, if it prevents me being attractive to people like you then bring on the lard!!
And if a bloke calls you fat:
‘That’s because your wife gives me a biscuit every time I sleep with her.’What do you do if a rottweiler starts humping your leg?
Fake orgasm.
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